Last July, we had a booth at the new convention in town, Ancient City Convention. Don of the Dead made an appearance that everyone was impressed with. The decomposition might have been a little fearsome. Fortunately, his Fidoesque collar kept this zombie t-shirt vendor docile and friendly.

The Jacksonville Roller Girls were an exciting addition. All eyes were on these tough, incredibly sexy chicks that knew how to rock out geek style.

Truffle and Mongo of the Squadcast for the 501^st Legion of Storm Troopers were also in attendance. The entirety of the convention they kept their podcast going, yet still had time to hand out autographs to their fans.

During October, Don of the Dead visited the EXP Convention and the Evil Assistant went on a handout spree at the Spooky Empire Horror Convention in Orlando, FL. John Landis, producer of famous films such as “Animal House,” was excited to receive one of our Winchester Tavern drinking glasses. He even related that the following week he would be sharing beers with Simon Pegg, star of “Shaun of the Dead.”

George Clarke, the brilliant Irish director of “Battle of the Bone” and “The Knackery,” was thrilled to receive one of our I Heart Zombies shirts.

We hope that MegaCon, this weekend will bring us even more amazing memories to share with you all.

Don of the Dead at Ancient City Con

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In the winter of 2006, Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg brought the newest romantic gifting sensation “Dick In the Box.” It has brought happiness and a new found intimacy to many couples since. Still, your special lady might have become accustomed to seeing your member every time she opens a package. She might have even stopped laughing about it. If this is the case, it may be time to switch it up a bit. The following are a list of five “Dick In the Box” alternatives to reignite the magic.

1. Put a smile on it.

Sometimes, your penis can be a bit intimidating. A few strokes with a black sharpie can make your little guy much more friendly and approachable. She may even touch it.

2. Add some music.

Rig the box to play her favorite romantic tune when it is open. If you don’t know what to choose, we recommend “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye. She will appreciate that you are trying to set the mood.

3. Dress it up.

For special occasions, show her that you always want to look your best. Put on a nice bow tie down there. Maybe even splash it with a little cologne. She will swoon over your James Bond penis.

4. Show her your paternal side.

Place a nest under your member and place a makeshift beak on its tip. Inside place a note that says “I want to make babies with you.” She will immediately understand that you are more than just a horn dog. You want to take things to the next level and nest with her.

5. Make her an offer she can’t refuse.

Cut little wings out of any material you choose. We recommend tissue paper for its crafty quality and soft feel. Place the wings on your penis. In the box, place a note that says, “My dick wants to take you places you’ve never been to before.” Be careful, however. Don’t make her a promise like this if you can’t follow through with it.

Try one of these five tactics and she will definitely stop rolling her eyes every time you approach her with a package placed closely to your crotch. She may even begin to look forward to gift giving events. Don’t be afraid to modify any of these to create a more personal touch, as well. If you enjoyed this blog, you may want to snag yourself one of our nifty “Dick In the Box” t-shirts.

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Chris Inverness’ parents were missionaries. He spent his childhood traveling to third world countries giving to less privileged children. No one knows if it was heredity or environment that led to Chris’ generous spirit. After finishing University, he joined the Peace Corps. Still, Chris felt that helping to change the planet for the better was not enough. So, he joined the Starfleet. Chris had grand plans to share love, tolerance, and acceptance to the entire Universe. Unfortunately, he never had a chance to bring about those plans. Because of his lifelong problem with halitosis, Nomad found him imperfect and he was killed.

Lawrence Carmichael and Hans Jenson met while performing at one of New York’s most famous drag shows. It was love at first sight. After several months of courtship, Lawrence and Hans moved in together and began breeding prize-winning show dogs. Their love for each other and their dogs was legendary. Everyone who knew them agreed that they were the most harmoniously matched couple on the planet. Unfortunately, same sex marriage was still illegal on Earth. So, Lawrence and Hans decided to leave it all behind. They joined the Starfleet and made plans to be wed on the first planet that legalized same sex marriage. Nomad found their choice in cologne to be imperfect one week from their wedding date.

Bruce Carlisle was a poetic soul. Growing up in Nashville, Tennessee inspired him to write his heart and soul into some of the most famous country music Earth has ever heard. No city existed that Bruce’s presence was not celebrated. At some point, however, Bruce felt he had lost his muse. He decided to join the Starfleet in order to draw inspiration from adventures out in space, and it worked. During his tour, he wrote dozens of incredible songs. Unfortunately, Bruce never got the chance to perform one of them. Nomad found country music to be imperfect.

If you enjoyed these eulogies or are a Star Trek fanatic, you may enjoy our many Star Trek related shirts. Such as: Kirk & Spock & Bones & Some Guy In A Red Shirt, Everyone’s a Trekkie, and Don’t Phase Me Bro.

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There were many Starfleet casualties during the 23^rd century.  Exploring the final frontier has its drawbacks. While some deaths were treated with the sort of grief and solemnity the end of a human life deserves, others were simply used as dramatic filler. I am speaking, of course, of those red shirts that died and were soon forgotten. This month, I intend to provide some of these fine people with the eulogies they deserved.

Carl Mathews was born in the year 2232 on a farm in Texas. He was the star quarterback of his high school football team and dated the head cheerleader, Cindy Novak, his entire high school career. After going away to college and getting his Bachelor’s degree in Agriculture, he came back to his hometown and married Cindy. For years, they tried to conceive a child. However, they eventually sought the help of a fertility expert. After some tests, it was actually discovered that Cindy had a massive malignant tumor in her uterus. Not only would this mean she would probably never have a child, but also that the cancer had gone unnoticed for too long and she would most likely die. Like a good husband, Carl, stayed with her right until the end two years later.

Carl loved his wife so dearly he knew he could never find happiness with another woman. He decided to pursue a life of adventure in space after a year of grieving. Unfortunately, just as it seemed Carl was beginning to come out of his shell and make friends with others, he met a gruesome fate. On his very first mission, he was pushed down a perilous cave. The world lost a true romantic, when it lost Carl Mathews.

If you enjoyed this eulogy or are a Star Trek fanatic, you may enjoy our many Star Trek related shirts. Such as: Kirk & Spock & Bones & Some Guy In A Red Shirt, Everyone’s a Trekkie, and Don’t Phase Me Bro.

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